«I am the happiest man on Earth. I have in me what can turn poverty into wealth, adversity into prosperity. I am more invulnerable than Achilles; Fate cannot cope with me, ”said Sir Thomas Brown in the mid-seventeenth century. What extraordinary machine did this man have in his head? Asks psychologist Daniel Gilbert. The answer to this question has led one of the most popular psychologists of our century to systematize and provide us with the keys to happiness. It is not easy, he warns, because our brain programmed to survive is more interested in survival than happiness, and it often deceives us in this sense ... but we have in our heads all the necessary resources to manufacture happiness.
This universal human capacity is what Dan Gilbert calls synthetic happiness.
So why are we not able to use it at will? Let's look at some of the more common traps we stumble into ...
It is easy, and therefore tempting, to devote all our attention and energy to what psychologists call natural happiness, that is, the easy and immediate happiness that does not come when we get what we want: to fall in love, a promotion, a new car, a house , a wanted child, an award ... We are convinced that this is the supreme type of happiness, and in our consumer society we are educated and trained to long for it, wait for it ... or try to acquire it.
However, Gilbert warns, when we live exclusively waiting for this type of happiness, we fertilize a land in which they grow, such as weeds, frustrations, envies, comparisons and the feeling of emptiness and failure when happiness It doesn't come as you expected. To make your own happiness, choose the experiences, human relationships, hobbies, achievements that motivate and passionate you and that only depend on you.
Not only do we have more sources of happiness than we usually use, we are also much more resistant, or resilient, to unhappiness when it comes than we think we are. We have, explains Daniel Gilbert, a psychological immune system similar to our physical immune system: our mind is elastic and adaptable, capable of overcoming problems, disappointments and trauma when they hit us. We are always afraid of misfortunes, but the reality is that humans are much stronger than we think we are.
However, our psychological immune system has a flaw: it works well for big traumas, but less well for small things. We are programmed to overcome losses and diseases that terrified us before we suffered them, but instead our immune system does not bother with the small things, the accumulation of trivialities or small setbacks that haunt us daily, and that so wear us out.
Studies suggest that a person who has suffered a serious accident and a person who has won the lottery return after a year to similar levels of happiness. Why? On the one hand, there is what psychologists call hedonistic habituation, our ability to adapt to circumstances, for better and for worse. On the other, our mind is like a simulator of experiences. Why? Our mind is like an experience simulator that tends to malfunction. We believe that an exam, a love, a promotion or an illness will have a big impact on our life in the long run, and the brain pays close attention to it for a time. Little by little, however, the mind becomes accustomed to its changing circumstances, and takes into account everything that encompasses a life: family, work, small pleasures, small disappointments, loneliness, depression, friendship, being alive despite everything, a walk on the beach, good food ... So we are still very similar to how we were before the important event: those who were not happy with their partners are still frustrated and hurt, those who They enjoyed the company of their friends and children, or a hobby, they recover that joy after the event.
So if you want to predict a person's level of happiness, look at how he manages small things. We're naturally good at managing trauma, but what best predicts our ability to be happy is how we manage the little setbacks and disappointments we deal with on a daily basis.